6/29/2014

Half-Truths

NP: Make It To Me, Sam Smith

Two years ago, at the then closed Q Pav
I've disliked routine. Often, I stop by other places before going home and just wander off. When i started work almost two years ago, i often found myself at the harbour at dawn, nibbling on a subway, waiting  for the sun to rise, the mall to open, or for something to happen. Sometimes, i would lay at the parking lot - no crowd, no shame - and close my eyes, imagining that a tide would take everyone and leave me at the shore, making me the last person on earth. 

It's funny how we use the term "found myself...", isn't it? Like we lost ourselves for a while before finding ourselves again, say, in the beach, or at home, or at some other place. 

I've mentioned recently that i've just finished making a big decision. I've also mentioned that i'm working at this international telecommunications company, albeit for a contractual position... for now. 

A few weeks ago, i got offered a regular position within the company, but i had to decline. My manager sat me down once and asked me what i was thinking, as they had been sort of preparing me for the position for quite a while now. 
"I wanted to hear it from you, pare." He liked to use the word 'pare' a lot. He was the quintessential conyo kid - he spoke with a slight twang and spring in his step - but he was a good person and a free thinker. I liked him as a mentor, and i was kind of sorry to leave. He leaned forward. "What do you plan to do?"

It wasn't the first time this question stumped me. I had known for some time that i was being groomed for the post, and to reject it now would be a disservice, not to mention a hassle. The problem is, i know what to do, but i just don't know exactly how to get there. The job they offered (back support CompBen) wasn't really the  way i wanted things to go. I wanted to go training and development, and i confess this was even murky at best. I applied internally here for a training post, but it turns out the position needed someone senior. I didn't get the job.

"I want to go into training," I stammered. This was a half-truth - i wanted to facilitate people, possibly offer them counsel, even. "I appreciate the offer, but i don't think i'll be able to accept it." He just exhaled and looked into the distance for a short while. This was no easy feat, as we were in a room just the size of a classroom, with the hallway just behind us. Just last week i had shook the guy's hand and told him 'thank you' for offering me a position. It was funny how things change in 7 days. 

"It's up to you, pare." He finally relented and settled his gaze on me "But if i could offer you one piece of advice, it's that you have to know what you want to do. I've been working at the BPO industry for 14 years, so i've seen people come and go. In a nutshell, you have to know what you want, and go for it." 

To be honest, i find the prospect of looking for another job tiring. There's just no telling what kind of jobs would be open this late in the game, or if there'd be jobs at all. I want to try counseling, but i need an MA and a license for that. I want to get in training and development, but i want to facilitate, not do back-end jobs. 

Just this morning, i ran into my neighbor from a long time ago. She's now at TWG tea, and it looks like they're opening another branch at the BGC area. She invited me to send my resume over. 

I'm still mulling over the idea, but hey. Why not? 

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