A few weeks into 2015, I said goodbye to a friend.
To those of you who've come into my room, you might notice several things. You might notice the black and red marker writings on the inside and outside of the closets, a thing i started one late night into my junior year, when a scene from an anime series kind of inspired me to do so. You might also notice the large pile of books stacked haphazardly in one corner. Maybe you'd look at the shelves above the mirror and notice the rows of Goosebumps books. Or maybe you might notice the assorted things i've crammed into this wall over here. It's kind of a medley of all the things i've found throughout more or less 9 years, to be honest. There's countless CDs (broken, mind you) of movies and music, some notices and meetings i've had a hand in officiating, some k-zone posters from my elementary days, an old map of UP from when I took the UPCAT and even a calendar of Our Lady of Buensuceso - the patron saint of my old high school alma mater.
So you see this thing here, however large and tacky, contains a huge chunk of my childhood as well as a hefty piece of my uh, young adulthood. I was a kid when I made this, and now as i take it down, a part of me is thinking that maybe i'm tearing down a chunk of my childhood as well. Is it possible that i'm steering myself towards a path of cynicism?
I don't know, dude. For starters,the reason why i'm tearing this down is because i feel so.. encumbered. Like these - all of the things taped clumsily on the wall - are all anchors that tether me down. I can't keep on living in the past just because it feels comfortable - and all of the things here, however dusty and old and ink-weary, are all comfortable. They're safe because I know how the stories embedded in each item plays out.
There's a piece of paper here my high school friends and i wrote in while we were in a moving jeepney. It simply said our names, our sections and some random words we wrote. I think this was.. our last day of class? We were so sure we'd always stay the same, but..life just happened. I keep on visiting this memory as well as a myriad of others because I was stuck in a time i shouldn't even be in.
I've come to realize that all of these items are.. stagnant. For whatever intents and purposes they have served, these are all just pictures and souvenirs of a time that has long past. These are pictures of an era bygone and forgotten, dwelling on them is a bit.. too much. I have to take a step forward, and i have to let go of some things. Maybe even some people, as well.
I keep on telling myself not to dwell on the past - the things that i can no longer change. For the most part, i think i'm doing okay from that side of things, though i hope i'm not just saying this because it's the start of the year, but because i genuinely am.
oh and year ender:
2014 was a shitty year, but it helped put a lot of things into perspective. A lot of friends came and went, and so did a lot of new experiences (leaving the ericsson office at 2 in the morning AND on a separate occasion, sleeping over at the same office are two of the more memorable ones). Career-wise, i'm still at a loss on how to get to my final goal, but i'd like to believe that i've formed the vestiges of a plan.
When it comes to relationships, i think a lot of people are growing at their own paces, sometimes with little regard of the circles they've come to occupy. And that's a good thing! I mean, i'm happy for you guys if you're growing outside of the circles we used to inhabit, because at least it means that your world is expanding. This must be an exciting time for you all, and i can't help but feel excited for you guys as well.
I'd like to think that i'm growing too, to be honest. If this means that we become slowly tangents on each others' planes, then so be it - let our decisions be the paths we tread. Know this though - i'm not an expert when it comes to maths, but i do know that we can't be perfect tangents, because at some point we have all connected. At some point, we have all intersected, and know, please that that will always be untarnished and precious to me.
Happy 2015, and to those who left, and to those who stayed, to those who sailed, and to those who are moored: may we never be strangers.
Peace. /mic drop
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