Showing posts with label numbers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label numbers. Show all posts
8/10/2019
A Couple of Things
XI.
I feel helpless.
It seems to me at this point that for the longest time, I was chasing goals. For the most part, I was meeting them - graduating, getting my license, getting into a career I liked, albeit with a few hiccups here and there.
I feel like I really need to talk about what I am feeling. I'm studying right now, and part of that training is to be able to notice the distorted thinking of others, and how this thinking gets to affect how they behave. I know that one's experiences growing up can predispose them towards certain things, I do. For the most part in my training as a counselor, I felt that I was meeting them, you know? My goals, my work. I had a feeling that I was pretty okay doing this, that I was good and helping people out, you know?
It's just hard.
9/09/2018
Golden
Ben and Ben, Maybe the Night
It's been two years since I last logged in here. Truth be told, posting a blog post feels alien, unknown to me right now. I feel like I always say this, in all of my posts but it is what it is.
Then again, it has been a while. Two years, gddmt. I think there's a lot of things to catch up on, and I feel like I have a lot of things to tell as well.
Let's get started, shall we?
It's been two years since I last logged in here. Truth be told, posting a blog post feels alien, unknown to me right now. I feel like I always say this, in all of my posts but it is what it is.
Then again, it has been a while. Two years, gddmt. I think there's a lot of things to catch up on, and I feel like I have a lot of things to tell as well.
Let's get started, shall we?
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| catching sunsets at zambales city |
7/01/2015
Numbers II
NP: Vivir, Mowat
7. June has been a strange month, and it's still a cliche to say this, but it needs to be said. It has been a month of definite downs and absolute highs, with almost nothing in between to stabilize myself in. A part of me wants to deny it, but in the interest of mental health, I find myself denying the need to deny.
8. The first fight of the day begins the moment I open my eyes: I am tied down by the warmth of my bed, by the coziness of my pillows. To close my eyes is to surrender my body to the warm, enveloping wave of my bed, and the gentle drone of the fan. To get up is to admit prisoner to the cold, hard floor, but it is still the cold floor I seek, so I can start my day fully.
9. I consider you one of my constants. You are not only the anchor that ties me down, but also the wind that blows and refreshes. You are not only the ocean that I steer in, but also the stars that guide and direct. You are the ship, the people and the energy, the quiet lull in the morning, the gentle breeze of the sea. I miss you, and I miss being with you, in its simplest and truest sense.
7. June has been a strange month, and it's still a cliche to say this, but it needs to be said. It has been a month of definite downs and absolute highs, with almost nothing in between to stabilize myself in. A part of me wants to deny it, but in the interest of mental health, I find myself denying the need to deny.
8. The first fight of the day begins the moment I open my eyes: I am tied down by the warmth of my bed, by the coziness of my pillows. To close my eyes is to surrender my body to the warm, enveloping wave of my bed, and the gentle drone of the fan. To get up is to admit prisoner to the cold, hard floor, but it is still the cold floor I seek, so I can start my day fully.
9. I consider you one of my constants. You are not only the anchor that ties me down, but also the wind that blows and refreshes. You are not only the ocean that I steer in, but also the stars that guide and direct. You are the ship, the people and the energy, the quiet lull in the morning, the gentle breeze of the sea. I miss you, and I miss being with you, in its simplest and truest sense.
11/30/2014
Numbers I
NP: Signal Fire, Johnoy Danao's Cover
Numbers I
1. My phone has ran out of juice. A part of me wants to charge it, but a part of me doesn't. Knowing the phone can't ring is better than hearing the phone unringing. Unringing - is that a real word? I mean it like the absence of a ring, this word unringing. But somehow, it does not feel like the absence of a ring, but rather the undoing of it, or the not doing. The reverse.
2. I told myself these shoes can cross distances - seven-year leagues, depths of nineteen fathoms, walls of fifteen feet. What I failed to realize though was the soles, the strings and the cloth that binds them all together, are at the mercy of all the things inside.
3. Sobrang gulo. Masyadong maraming linya ang umiikot ikot. Mga takot masaktan, mga takot manakit. Sa isang perpektong mundo marahil, nabubuhay ang mga masasayang katha ng ating isipan, hindi dahil sa kanilang paraan ng pamumuhay, kung hindi sa paraan ng kanilang pakikitungo.
4. The other day, I was at the university, getting my tickets for an ceremony I neither wish to attend or discuss. I sat at one of the benches overlooking the main building and thought about how fragile everything is. I could've sat underneath one of those trees inside the lane - i could never tell which one was ours - but it felt wrong, somehow. Like if i did that, it would only be a perverse imitation of what had happened. I didn't stay to catch the sunrise, nor the lighting of the trees. For now, it was enough that I was near that place, not within it.
5. I have a brother who is so disorganized, he always forgets to flush the toilet. One day, as i come home early from a day outside, I peer inside the bowl and see the edges of a book, the silhouette of a cloth, and a castle made of popsickle sticks - his project for the last grading. I see all these things and possibly more - all of the things he wants to flush away.
6. Zippers. It's funny how they work, and it's strange how people haven't found a way to incorporate it into the human body.
Numbers I
1. My phone has ran out of juice. A part of me wants to charge it, but a part of me doesn't. Knowing the phone can't ring is better than hearing the phone unringing. Unringing - is that a real word? I mean it like the absence of a ring, this word unringing. But somehow, it does not feel like the absence of a ring, but rather the undoing of it, or the not doing. The reverse.
2. I told myself these shoes can cross distances - seven-year leagues, depths of nineteen fathoms, walls of fifteen feet. What I failed to realize though was the soles, the strings and the cloth that binds them all together, are at the mercy of all the things inside.
3. Sobrang gulo. Masyadong maraming linya ang umiikot ikot. Mga takot masaktan, mga takot manakit. Sa isang perpektong mundo marahil, nabubuhay ang mga masasayang katha ng ating isipan, hindi dahil sa kanilang paraan ng pamumuhay, kung hindi sa paraan ng kanilang pakikitungo.
4. The other day, I was at the university, getting my tickets for an ceremony I neither wish to attend or discuss. I sat at one of the benches overlooking the main building and thought about how fragile everything is. I could've sat underneath one of those trees inside the lane - i could never tell which one was ours - but it felt wrong, somehow. Like if i did that, it would only be a perverse imitation of what had happened. I didn't stay to catch the sunrise, nor the lighting of the trees. For now, it was enough that I was near that place, not within it.
5. I have a brother who is so disorganized, he always forgets to flush the toilet. One day, as i come home early from a day outside, I peer inside the bowl and see the edges of a book, the silhouette of a cloth, and a castle made of popsickle sticks - his project for the last grading. I see all these things and possibly more - all of the things he wants to flush away.
6. Zippers. It's funny how they work, and it's strange how people haven't found a way to incorporate it into the human body.
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